- a special poem just for ayah -

Alias b. Salleh
a great husband to my mom, a great dad to us..
1952 - 2008

i've made this poem last year..
put it on my other blog but decide to put it here..
from my deepest heart..
i wrote the poem..
a poem specially made for 'ayah'..


i've lost ayah,
i wanna cry bt i just cant,
y cant i cry?
my mom did, my sisters did, my brother did,
y cant ?...
bt i did in my sleep
dreaming bout ayah when he is still in my reach,
eating and laughing bout things dat were silly,
that is ayah,
always try to make his children happy,

i took my phone and dial his hp,
waited quietly n suddenly,
there's a lady saying,
no yg anda dial tiada dalam perkhidmatan lg,
i knew my sis had terminate it,
bt still i kept calling,

everybody feel sorry to me,
yea,they really care towards my family,
they tried to please me by saying "we know how u feel",
but reality is..they know nothing,

i still cant accept ayah is gone,
he was 56 and still young,
there were alot of things he had planned,
to open up a stall was one of them,
or buy a harley to show off to his fams,
but in the end, its all up to the ONE up there,

i called ayah on friday,
just after jumaat pray,
asked bout my allowance and he said,
"ok,dah masuk dah",
i said "thanx ayah" and that was it,

i wish i could turn back time to dat day,
and said thanx for made me what i am today,
or sorry for all the mistakes i made,
but it was his fate,
to pass away dat monday,

when my sis called round 3 in the morning,
i dont expect a thing coz im still dreaming,
my sis cried and told me "ayah dah xda",
i felt the emptiness u cant imagine,

for 5 minutes i kept thinking,
is diz a joke or am i still dreaming?,
coz i just spoke to ayah just recently,
he sounds happy n fine, trust me..
i laugh and said this must be a bad dream,
which i hope it will end shortly,
the sad thing is..its a real thing..

i cried horribly when im bathing,
like a child lost his play thing,
and no one comforting him,
thats what happened when you lost one of your family,

i will be steady when i see him,
thats what i told myself while im packing,
i quickly pack my stuff and head to Kuching,
took da 1st flight out round 6 in the morning,
to see ayah for the last time, dats my wish..

eventho ayah n i hadn't spoke alot,
especially when im here and he's there,
but i know deep in my heart,
dat he's proud to have me as his son,
i bet he knows to,
dat he is da greatest dad i look up to,

the last thing we did together was vacation in cherating,
i drove 6 hours with him and my sis,
he's at back like a boss kinda thing,
he laughed when we did stupid joke about the monkeys crossing the streets,
when we reach there..its all worth it..
just to spend some precious time with ayah is the best thing..

we went to Terengganu to find somethng,
it was just a few kilometres away from our crib,
satar and otak2 ayah said to me,
"sedap" ayah and my sis explain bout it,
well, they were right..i ate it all and it was yummy..hahaha..

i reach home round 9 with a limo,
there were alot of cars till you cant park anymore,
i dont care coz im finally home,
to see ayah for the last time before he go,

my sisters cried and took my hands,
"a dramatic scenes" i thought in my head,
like drama melayu ada gak ckit2,
but i cant blame them..dats the thing,
they were the one who spent time with ayah when ayah was still ok,

when eveything were settled,
i lay down down and think for a second,
he's gone now and wat will happen?
who r we gonna prank after this?
who r we gonna laugh about after this?
who r we gonna pau for money after this?
who's gonna maki us for making mistakes after this?
question and more questions,
so i pray and hope for the best future ahead,

when my sis graduate at this fancy ceremony,
i saw my dad face and he was happy,
to have the chance to see his children succeed,
its kinda sad he cant see me like my sis,
in a fancy ceremony taking my cert dip,
yea, i know he's watching me,
but its still different when he is up there smilling to me,

im the head of the family now,
take care of family stuff dats my new responsibility,
a burden i must carry through my whole life i think,
but its ok..dats what life means..
but 1st i have to get my dip,
thats what ayah wanted to see,

i miss u ayah,
why u leave us so suddenly?
there are alot of things we could do as a family,
you promise to go camping with us when you are free,
and travel with ibu on a harley after retiring,
it really took us by surprise when u passed,
coz just hours ago, you was healthy as a cow,
thats what my sis told me when i called...

i really miss you ayah,
i cried everytime i think about u,
that is why i wrote this poem,
a special poem just for ayah..

khairul adzlan alias
20/08/2008
dedicated to ayah (1952-2008)